snakes
Dec. 10th, 2009 | 09:08 pm
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence.
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence."
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
define
Dec. 9th, 2009 | 05:45 am
Autagonistophilia Unlike exhibitionism where the person intentionally exposes their genitals to an unsuspecting stranger, in this paraphilia the person creates situations in which other people could see them in the nude if the person wanted to. For example, it would be like leaving your curtains open and walking around the house naked in hopes that someone would peep in the windows. It is the thought that someone may be watching that is sexually arousing.
Autassassinophilia The person is sexually aroused by putting themselves in situations in which they may be killed. They really have to feel they are in danger in order to be sexually aroused. Unfortunately, many of them get killed in the process.
Biastophilia In this paraphilia the person is sexually aroused by the idea of being raped. This is scripted and planned out ahead of time with a partner. The person does not actually want to be raped by a stranger.
Ephebophilia This is a form of pedophilia, but the person is very specific in the size, shape, and amount of body hair the pre-pubescent child has.
Erotophonophilia These people are dangerous. They are sexually aroused by attempts not just thoughts of killing someone.
Gerontophilia The person is only sexually aroused by a significantly older person. There has to be at least a 15 year difference between their ages.
Hybristophilia Sexual relations with a convicted criminal.
Mixophilia The person likes to watch their partner or themselves engage in sexual activity. Usually this means watching themselves in a mirror.
Necrophilia Engaging in sexual activities with dead people.
Pictohilia Watching X-rated films is sexually arousing.
Raptophilia Same as biastophilia.
Somnophilia The person can only maintain sexual arousal while having sex with someone who is sleeping. If the person wakes up they loose interest.
Telephonicophilia Talking dirty on the phone or being talked to lewdly.
Urophilia Being urinated on or urinating on someone. Golden showers
Zoophilia The person wants to be treated like an animal wearing a collar and even eating out of an animals dish. This is different from bestiality in which the person wants to have sex with an animal.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
<><>
Dec. 5th, 2009 | 11:40 am
— Stanislaw Lem
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
i want the ocean right now
Dec. 4th, 2009 | 09:14 pm
The snow globe idea was theeeeeee best and so cute.
Putting our picture in it.
Shake it.
It's like you're with me with snow falling all around me.
Almost like you're home.
The mitten.
Where your family and your friends.
[hopefully your heart is]
Included the movie elf for the spirit.
New years.
Pictures.
Frames.
Baby wipes.
The board game called "things".
The zebra print snuggie.
Candy.
Icy hot.
The best part was the snow globe.
the typical lyrics today.
tegan and sara obsession.
If you take it I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
I might stay out longer than I left the light on for you
Then if you show, you show
If you show, you show
When I feel like this
When I get so in
To myself
I lose track of where I'm going and lose track of how to get going again
I feel myself slowing down
Feel myself turning around
Is this taken?
When I feel like this
When I get so sick of myself
Where are you going now without me
And not knowing then, that we're slowing down
You've gotta turn that around
And tell me that I'm taken,
Tell me if I'm yours
You collapse
The pressure of this life is so
You can't be held accountable
If you go, you go
If you go, you go
When you act like this
When you get so sick, of yourself
The whole world falls away and since
I feel
Like I have only missed the feeling that I'm here again
The feeling that I'm clear again
I'm not taken
When you act like this
When you get so in
To yourself I lose sight of common goals
And letting go so I can be all alone
Feel myself, going slow
Feel myself, letting go
Not taken,
Not feeling like I'm yours
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
This life looks like a sentence, though
A constant game of falling short
If you know, you know
If you know, you know
When I feel like this
When I'm just so sick of feeling less than perfect
Is it right for me I never fight to see if coming clean
Would get to me I feel myself, holding back
I feel the pressure, it's finally back
I'm taken
When you feel like this
When you saw it call come crashing down
Subtle but not underground
I was there
I saw the signs, I saw unfair
And so I write to you
Through other means
I let myself finally feel taken
Like I was yours
If you take it I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse I collapse I collapse
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
the last couple of days
Dec. 3rd, 2009 | 08:54 pm
Chris.
Baby Sebastion.
Mark.
Sarah.
We've been together house sitting and doing hair and drinking wine.
It's been such an amazing time with so many heart to hearts and big down feather beds to cuddle in.
I have brown hair.
Sarah has highlights.
Chelsea has a beautiful shot cut with hi lights.lo lights and some color.
We got together and made a care package for the boy in iraq.
We colored and just watched cartoons and played bbeeee baalll with bebe bug.
They're so open and loving.
They're such good people with HUGE hearts.
So supportive and always looking out for me.
I am moving in with Mark and Sarah.
Also, a cutie named Jodi.[meaning also my roommate]
I cannot wait to be around them all of the time.
All of the time.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
boyfriend
Dec. 1st, 2009 | 05:20 am
I might move on too fast but at least I MOVE THE FUCK ON!
Oh Iraq.
You have what I want.
Oh.
So.
BADLY!
p.s. I have a new boyfriend.
Dec. 1st 2009.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
all I want for christmas
Nov. 27th, 2009 | 08:53 pm
I'm in love with miranda july!
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
time and miles and distance and time
Nov. 27th, 2009 | 09:28 am
everything has been so perfect.
everything is a complete fucking mess.
olympia, washington.
I can picture a future with you.
[I can almost feel you...come closer...I can almost taste you...take me with you...what if you're finally it...you could change me...Please, don't hurt me...Romantic, I'm hopeless...We could become infinite...]
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
i know i know i know
Nov. 25th, 2009 | 02:30 pm
You plead with me, shout, scream, tell me I'm staying.
I know I know I know, I'm still your love.
Back from the last place that I wanted to fake,
You laugh with me, shout, scream, now tell me you're staying.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Box after box and you're still by my side.
The weather is changing and breaking my stride.
Oh well I know I know I know, it's just this day.
House after house, just like car after car,
You see club after club, and it all seems so far.
I know I know I know, what else are we here for?
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
Last night I was writing about you,
I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
I wake up to the sound of you working,
In one room right over, you're stressing and loving me.
I know I know I know, be still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
Stick your heart inside of my chest,
Keep it warm here while we rest.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
Link | Leave a comment {1} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
my love is a seed that doesn't grow
Nov. 21st, 2009 | 09:14 am
Blue Light - Bloc Party
DESTROY WHAT DESTROYS YOU
What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?
What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glassess and
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up.
What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes? Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart.
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glassess and
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up."
“the silence isn’t so bad until i look at my hands and feel sad because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.”
"When you treated me like a goddess.
Not when we were around everyone else.
How come you couldn't notice me?
When I was standing by myself"
Now my eyes are wide open
Now that every thing's been stolen
And I'm here to get it back from you
See I ain't wasting no more time
gotta take back whats mine
What else am i suppose to do
"Here I am
with my heart on the floor
and my love out the door
you should be knocking
but there it goes
I got nothing to show for
except pictures i posed for
but i keep them in a box under my bed
I told you time and again
that you'd never win
I told you time and again
but you keep doing the same old things
when i thought you would change
I told you time and again"
“When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did.”
"This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea
My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.
Is love alive?
They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so i have been told.
They say were buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.
Is love alive?
I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.
Ill be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again.
Is love alive?
Fools leave too soon
Built to fill roles
And fall standing alone again
Distant and dissatisfied
And how we say goodbye
A long goodbye
With mixed emotions
Just fragments of another life
Not dead...yet
But the regrets are killing me
But the regrets
goodbye?
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
take me away
Nov. 20th, 2009 | 01:34 am
I love work so much.
It's saving me from the real world.
Still lifting.
Trying to gain.
I can't wait to look in the mirror and know I worked so hard for my future sweet boooood.
I'm going to go watch spread and thumblina now.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
taking a break from writing
Nov. 16th, 2009 | 03:18 pm
Some people are just so nasty.
Some peoples hearts are so cold.
Some people have no self respect or consideration of others.
Some people are liars and wannabes.
Some people are miserable and addicts.
Some people can't even go a week strong without drinking and basking in denial.
Pathetic people.
You brought me down.
You broke my heart.
I was good to you.
HAHA
I will never be that fucking stupid ever.
ever, again.
"if you hang with the dogs, you're gonna get fleas."
My standards and self worth are updated.
My outlook and trust in others.
Updated.
I am actually lifting weights, again.
Uplifted and revenge.revenge.revenge.
Trust me.
I won't waste my strength on you or your depressing and sick ways.
I am not scared of you.
Don't be scared of me.
We both know who was wrong and who was right.
You just let me know what kind of person you and your friends were.
I want nothing to do with any of it.
I just thank God I'm am not as sad and low as you.
I just thank God that I have him on my side and through him I can do all things.
My fuse is so fucking short lately.
This should of never happened!
Why the fuck did this have to happen?!?!?
You can be sweet as pie to people and they can turn on you in a instant.
All the times you cried with them
All the things that were said.
Mean nothing.
Meant nothing.
When will you get sick of watching blood pour down backs?
Link | Leave a comment {1} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
red
Nov. 15th, 2009 | 04:16 pm
I am so excited to almost have some nights off.
I cannot wait for girls night.
It'll be nice to be around good people.
People who have hearts and use them.
New sheets. New urges. New life.
Only expecting what I know.
The unexpected.
Sometimes love comes arounddddd.
It knocks you down.
Just get back up.
Link | Leave a comment {2} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
wife
Nov. 7th, 2009 | 08:38 pm
I am tanning.
I am shopping.
I am trying.
I feel sexy and strong.
I feel single and free.
I have my best friend/wife back with me.
I am getting closer to the family.
I am moving into a place with a coworker.
I am starting over.
Here I go.
Link | Leave a comment {3} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
my day off
Oct. 27th, 2009 | 05:52 pm
I have thought about it long and hard.
I have wondered about it and never believed.
So many point of views and lacks of interest.
So much "If i understand myself so well and lack the understanding how and why people are the way they are. How could I ever write something for people to read and relate."
So many things have been said and done before.
Nothing I could write or tell could ever be truly one of a kind.
until.
I thought about fingerprints and an iris of the eye.
I thought about developing and invention and how far it's come along.
You can make something of someone else into yours.
Nothing really is ever yours.
But you are always you.
One of a kind.
Then I didn't sleep for a couple days.
I lost myself and got lost in myself.
Floated through insomnia and made my reality a dreamlike state.
Seeing things and hearing things.
It clicked.
Flows of feelings and words and point of view came into my mind like a butterfly bursting from a cocoon.
Maybe my whole point of passion and empathy needs to be expressed and shared.
Not because I have a point to make but because I don't have one at all.
I just keep a lot of myself to myself.
I just want to do this because it's me.
I can observe and report.
I can relate and feel.
I have a story to tell so I am going to write it.
Details and everything.
All that's inside of me for some reason is a bird being freed from it's cage.
I'm not saying that It will be a good story or that I will even know where to begin.
It's just that I'm sick of keeping all these ideas and stories to myself.
Ignoring feelings and memories and sucking it up.
I know it will be mine.
It's like how a mother knows her child is hers from the moment you can feel it grow until it comes out and you know you have something really yours.
Made by you and a part of you.
Now that it's left you.
You still know but it's not healthy to keep it all to yourself.
When it comes out let it grow and do with it what you may.
But share what you've created and let it grow.
Don't be afraid to share what's inside of you or what comes out of you.
The closer I feel to believing this.
The closer I feel to doing it.
I'm going to write my story.
Have proof marked in pages of my very own book.
I don't know how long.
I don't know how.
I just feel like it's time to let go and let it flow out.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
Kleerup feat lykke li-until we bleed
Oct. 26th, 2009 | 02:36 pm
I'm numb
I'm stupid
I'm staying
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'
Lights black
Heads bang
You're my drug
We live it
You're drunk, you need it
Real love, I'll give it
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
You wasted your times
On my heart
You've burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too
Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you to need me
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
tick tock tick tock
Oct. 26th, 2009 | 08:52 am
time for my heart to meet my [mind]s made up.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
express
Oct. 25th, 2009 | 11:42 pm
-feelings.
-clothing store.
-dramatic.
-yourself.
when it comes down to it.
all the expressing.
Just takes a lot energy, time and money.
When it comes to expressing in the form of type.
I'm the type who is just motionless.
I'll get it back.
Or it may just get worse.
Come what may.
Buy some new things.
Go through a new phase.
Wear my hair a new way.
Have a new way of thinking or doing things.
Have a breakdown or get a break.
I'll express myself better on that day.
As for now.
I would say I'm luke warm and basking in it.
It's not the first toe dip in the hot bath water.
It's not getting use to the water temperature.
It's not when I'm in the water too long and my body becomes waterlogged .
It's not getting cut from a razor or the soap to wash away the filth.
It's the part where everything is almost done.
The middle.
Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
mother of pearl
Oct. 22nd, 2009 | 04:44 pm
It sucks.
I haven't been up to much.
That is all.