Kayla June

my song to brandon

2010-01-06T22:54:40Z

You were right there when I needed you.
I was right there when everything was falling apart..
We were there for each other and now we have each other...

For all you do.
I am grateful and thankful.
I am blessed.

my ladies...minus sarah and chelsea

2010-01-03T15:42:18Z

I'll put some more up later...
woo 2010!!

lets have some fun this beat is sick

2010-01-02T06:51:13Z

dear 2010,

So far so...SO good!
Last night was classy and amazing.
I ran away for a bit from the party and went to the bar.
I ending up getting forced on stage and winning a chugging contest.
I got a t-shirt.

So, Lately I have been letting my fucking hair down.
I love feeling crazy and free.
I have everyone I could ever want or need.
I am doing everything I want to be doing and I know this new year is going to be perfect.

I have so many little secrets.
I could/would never go into detail.

out with the old

2009-12-30T20:17:52Z

in with the new.

New life.
New love.
New friends.
New wants and needs.

New Year.

Here we goooooooo.

woke to you trying.

2009-12-27T00:16:06Z

we fucking did try.
we could fuck and try and make life after we both died.
we held each other for at least a week knowing we had to let go.

I beat the shit out of you.I beat myself up.
I thought by breaking down in your arms would prevent us from breaking apart.
I thought I could turn my back on the world and what happened and start over with you.
Thinking we finally got back what we lost.
Finding out that the test said negative and everything I felt for you died too.

"everything happens for a reason"
"all is fair in love and war."

if what happened never happened.
it wouldn't be too late.
it wouldn't of been this way.

You were my best friend.
You were my drive home.

It's for the better of me.
I hope the best for you.

I swear.
I did love you.
Now it's too late.

chelsea and I have MANY songs

2009-12-26T23:47:42Z

and here are some...
sip some chamomile tea.
and enjoy.

and another noah and the whale.

Oh place your hands
On my
Heart
Oh I do beleive it's beating
At the same pulse as yours
We're two
Atoms in a molecule
Inseprably combined
Oh like a piece of rope
Made out of two pieces of vine

Oh I feel the bond
Oh between your heart and mine
And it's the bond that won't break
With the displacement of time

Cos we're just
Two Bodies with just one Heart
We're just
One body that one day felt hard
We're just
Two bodies with just one heart
We're just
One body that one day felt hard

Oh I'm only ever hoping

I can be there for you
Oh if Halloween and Christmas
Ever become confused
I will seperate the demons
From the gift-givers for you
Oh I'll seperate the Withches
From the loving angels too
To protect the bond
That I feel between our hearts

Oh because bonds can wear down
From the moment they start

But we're just
Two Bodies with just one Heart
We're just
One body that one day felt hard
We're just
Two bodies with just one heart
We're just
One body that one day felt hard

my precious boy

2009-12-26T01:58:07Z

We shopped all day online together.
I loved spending Christmas with him.

We talked about if we got married or moved in together all the things we'd get for our future home.
Urban Outfitters was our main course and the rest was mostly diamonds and sport cars.
I love that I found a dreamer.
A lover who understands and is strong enough to do this with me.
Understands pain and hard work.
Invests time with me and has faith for something real.

He is over in Iraq fighting for our freedom.
He is amazing and so strong.
I admire him and I can't wait for him to come home so I can reward him.

Maybe, I dressed up as a present.
Skype is all we got and wearing nothing but a bow and some ribbons.
Christmas is all about the "ho ho ho" and unwrapping.
Maybe, I unwrapped his present for him.

I am now looking forward to New Years with the friends.
Dress code and sparkles is gold.
I cannot wait to go into the New Year with new friends and just all together new life.
Plus, 2010 is when I finally get to see my lover.

My kindle 2 is amazing.
I bought all the sookie stackhouse novels.
Sarah spoiled me with some betsey johnson and hello kitty.
Chelsea and Chris got me some clothes.

I need to lay off the redbull and get ready for the nightshift.
Happy Holidays World!

set fire to our bed

2009-12-24T23:18:40Z

my men

2009-12-24T21:23:01Z

ARGH!!

2009-12-19T23:05:12Z

REDLINE!!!
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one more third eye blind

2009-12-19T00:51:35Z

Now my song to you.
The new third eye blind.

this is the last time I write about you.

I pray it is.
I pray.

--Sharp Knife--

Time tick tick ticks after me
My mp3 is out of juice
I wrote a song for you but what's the use
How did we get knocked so loose, knocked so loose.

Someone I swore I'd never be
Who trades his dreams for security
Walks this city blindly
Lately it's a little hard for me to see
Lately it's a little hard for me to believe

And it's all disappearing
And it all falls apart
And it seems like the ending
Is a lot like the start

Well nature has its own rules
Like gravity crushing me
And lies, I'm of the memory
Lately it's a little hard for me to believe
At least you left a mark on me

And I think there's a reason
At least there's a sign
And all that we call chaos
I will say it's by design
But I'm just lying

What you need is a sharp knife, son
To come back down from an all time low
I think I'm not the only one
I wish I was a sharp knife
Swing that blade right through my life
Careful, you could hurt someone
I wish I was a sharp knifeto cut

A shiv,
A shiv,
A shiv,
A shiv.

So new friend can you hear this?
Can we return to fearless?
Merry pranksters one and all
And walk that devil down the hall

Yes it's all disappearing
And we should all just go along
And it all would be so easy,
If we could just say, "let it be."
But that's not me.

What you need is a sharp knife, son.
You can come out of an all time low
Seems like I'm not the only one
I know I'm not the only one
I wish I was a sharp knife

Swing that blade right through my life
Careful, you could hurt someone
I wish I was a sharp knife,
A sharp knife,
To cut.

A shiv,
A shiv,
A shiv,
A shiv.

What you need is a sharp knife son
You can come back down from an all time low
Seems like I'm the only one
I wish I was a sharp knife.
Swing that blade right through my life
Careful you could hurt someone
I wish I was a sharp knife
A sharp knife
To cut.

A shiv,
A shiv,
A shiv,

this used to be your song to me

2009-12-18T23:05:45Z

my,my,my the tables have turned dear

Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
Hiding in your room we'd lay like dogs
And the phone would ring like a joke that's left unsaid
Losing a whole year
Rich daddy left you with a parachute
Your voice sounds like money and your face is cute
But your daddy left you with no love
You touch everything with a velvet glove and
Now you wanna try your life with sin
You wanna be down with the down and in
Always copping my truths
I kinda get the feeling like I'm being used
And now I realize that you never heard
One goddamned word I ever said
Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year
I took your stuff and put it in the basement
When I found out what the smile on you face meant
I seen you pop that check
Craning your neck at the car wreck
And it always seems that the juice used to flow
In the car, in the kitchen you were good to go
Now we're stuck with the tube
A sink full of dishes and some aqua lube
And I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Hey boy
Losing a whole year
If it's not the defense then your on the attack
When you start talking I hear the Prozac
Convinced you found your place
With the pierced queer teens in cyberspace
When you were yourself there was tasting sweet
Sours into a routine deceit
Well this drama is a bore
And I don't wanna play no more
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Hey boy
Hey boy

fucking fuck

2009-12-18T20:51:58Z

Thee boyfriend got me this for christmas.
The kindle 2.
Now he's being a sensitive man.

He's amazing and I adore him but he doesn't really get my "eat shit" sense of humor.
Oh, what a world.

I just want to cuddle.
Nick got me some wine from florida.
It was this little hole in the wall I fell in love with when I went down there after my uncle committed suicide.
He found the card and ordered me some strawberry wine and other fruit wines.
I didn't accept the gift.
I was thankful nonetheless.

Weeks feel like torture.
My bed is getting bigger.
My heart is so heavy.
Lets get light heads for our heavy hearts.

To my friends.
I love you more than words.
You are my rock.

i anwt ot kcfu uoy

2009-12-14T22:52:25Z

ho onnrbad-

i efel oyu.
moce mhoe.

i luowd liki ofr uoy.
nime.

ym eahrt.
ervyehitgn.

figure it out boy.
I love making things for my new bf.
I love my new life and my new/old friends.
They are my heart and I couldn't and won't ask for anyone or anything else.

Chelsea and I spent 1000 dollars shopping the other day.
It felt good.
She is such a beautiful person.
I was a fool.

I'm happy.
I'm so fucking happy.

I just am waiting for my loves return to the states.
Comeee with me...my loveeee...to the seaaaa...the seaaa of love...

snakes

2009-12-11T02:08:14Z

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence."

bad people who will reap what they sow

2009-12-10T22:19:36Z

Where he is.
Where he sleeps.
Where he fights.
Where he lives for another 8 weeks.

Petty people with bad intentions.
Clueless about what's real and what destroys.
You know deep inside of you what's right.
You know deep inside of you that enough is and has been enough.

On the other hand.
The bad intentions and the all time low I was at while they were apart of my life has opened a new door.
By closing that door and locking it I've entered a new place that has been filled with some much good it's hard to not actually be happy.
Grateful for the hardships and dark I was going through.
Everything is light.
Everything feels pure and real for the first time in a long time.

I've held things against people.
I've held a lot back.
I became something and somebody I didn't even know anymore.

I lost my true friends but I got them back.
Including a true man with good intentions.
Including new friends with nothing but the best intentions.
Caring about how I am.
Where I am.
What I am doing.
How I feel.

When I hit the bottom I didn't stay there and feel sorry for myself.
I didn't stay and let it consume me.
I got over it and I got myself right back up and moved on.

I got myself back and I am excited about his return.
Where I am.
Who I am around and what I'm doing.

I'm around people who are doing things and growing up.
I'm around people who trust each other because they have every reason to.
I'm around people who mean what they say.
I'm around people who open their arms and love you.

How dare I think the past thoughts.
If I keep going back and living in all of my past with all of its pain.
Oh, take me back to the start...
Ohhh, nobody said it was easy...

define

2009-12-09T10:45:16Z

my body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one i love

Asphyxiophilia This is sexual arousal caused by loss of control over your ability to breathe. Self strangulation or allowing another person to asphyxiate you.

Autagonistophilia Unlike exhibitionism where the person intentionally exposes their genitals to an unsuspecting stranger, in this paraphilia the person creates situations in which other people could see them in the nude if the person wanted to. For example, it would be like leaving your curtains open and walking around the house naked in hopes that someone would peep in the windows. It is the thought that someone may be watching that is sexually arousing.

Autassassinophilia The person is sexually aroused by putting themselves in situations in which they may be killed. They really have to feel they are in danger in order to be sexually aroused. Unfortunately, many of them get killed in the process.

Biastophilia In this paraphilia the person is sexually aroused by the idea of being raped. This is scripted and planned out ahead of time with a partner. The person does not actually want to be raped by a stranger.

Ephebophilia This is a form of pedophilia, but the person is very specific in the size, shape, and amount of body hair the pre-pubescent child has.

Erotophonophilia These people are dangerous. They are sexually aroused by attempts not just thoughts of killing someone.

Gerontophilia The person is only sexually aroused by a significantly older person. There has to be at least a 15 year difference between their ages.

Hybristophilia Sexual relations with a convicted criminal.

Mixophilia The person likes to watch their partner or themselves engage in sexual activity. Usually this means watching themselves in a mirror.

Necrophilia Engaging in sexual activities with dead people.

Pictohilia Watching X-rated films is sexually arousing.

Raptophilia Same as biastophilia.

Somnophilia The person can only maintain sexual arousal while having sex with someone who is sleeping. If the person wakes up they loose interest.

Telephonicophilia Talking dirty on the phone or being talked to lewdly.

Urophilia Being urinated on or urinating on someone. Golden showers

Zoophilia The person wants to be treated like an animal wearing a collar and even eating out of an animals dish. This is different from bestiality in which the person wants to have sex with an animal.

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2009-12-05T16:40:57Z

“On the surface, I was calm: in secret, without really admitting it, I was waiting for something. Her return? How could I have been waiting for that? We all know that we are material creatures, subject to the laws of physiology and physics, and not even the power of all our feelings combined can defeat those laws. All we can do is detest them. The age-old faith of lovers and poets in the power of love, stronger than death, that finis vitae sed non amoris, is a lie, useless and not even funny. So must one be resigned to being a clock that measures the passage of time, now out of order, now repaired, and whose mechanism generates despair and love as soon as its maker sets it going? Must I go on living here then, among the objects we both had touched, in the air she had breathed? In the name of what? In the hope of her return? I hoped for nothing. And yet I lived in expectation. Since she had gone, that was all that remained. I did not know what achievements, what mockery, even what tortures still awaited me. I knew nothing, and I persisted in the faith that the time of cruel miracles was not past.”
— Stanislaw Lem

i want the ocean right now

2009-12-05T02:14:15Z

The snow globe idea was theeeeeee best and so cute.
Putting our picture in it.

Shake it.
It's like you're with me with snow falling all around me.
Almost like you're home.
The mitten.
Where your family and your friends.
[hopefully your heart is]
Included the movie elf for the spirit.

New years.
Pictures.
Frames.
Baby wipes.
The board game called "things".
The zebra print snuggie.
Candy.
Icy hot.

The best part was the snow globe.

the typical lyrics today.
tegan and sara obsession.
If you take it I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
I might stay out longer than I left the light on for you
Then if you show, you show
If you show, you show
When I feel like this
When I get so in
To myself
I lose track of where I'm going and lose track of how to get going again
I feel myself slowing down
Feel myself turning around
Is this taken?
When I feel like this
When I get so sick of myself
Where are you going now without me
And not knowing then, that we're slowing down
You've gotta turn that around
And tell me that I'm taken,
Tell me if I'm yours
You collapse
The pressure of this life is so
You can't be held accountable
If you go, you go
If you go, you go
When you act like this
When you get so sick, of yourself
The whole world falls away and since
I feel
Like I have only missed the feeling that I'm here again
The feeling that I'm clear again
I'm not taken
When you act like this
When you get so in
To yourself I lose sight of common goals
And letting go so I can be all alone
Feel myself, going slow
Feel myself, letting go
Not taken,
Not feeling like I'm yours
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
This life looks like a sentence, though
A constant game of falling short
If you know, you know
If you know, you know
When I feel like this
When I'm just so sick of feeling less than perfect
Is it right for me I never fight to see if coming clean
Would get to me I feel myself, holding back
I feel the pressure, it's finally back
I'm taken
When you feel like this
When you saw it call come crashing down
Subtle but not underground
I was there
I saw the signs, I saw unfair
And so I write to you
Through other means
I let myself finally feel taken
Like I was yours
If you take it I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse I collapse I collapse

the last couple of days

2009-12-04T01:54:14Z

Chelsea.
Chris.
Baby Sebastion.
Mark.
Sarah.

We've been together house sitting and doing hair and drinking wine.
It's been such an amazing time with so many heart to hearts and big down feather beds to cuddle in.
I have brown hair.
Sarah has highlights.
Chelsea has a beautiful shot cut with hi lights.lo lights and some color.

We got together and made a care package for the boy in iraq.
We colored and just watched cartoons and played bbeeee baalll with bebe bug.

They're so open and loving.
They're such good people with HUGE hearts.
So supportive and always looking out for me.

I am moving in with Mark and Sarah.
Also, a cutie named Jodi.[meaning also my roommate]

I cannot wait to be around them all of the time.
All of the time.

boyfriend

2009-12-01T10:20:44Z

I might move on too fast but at least I MOVE THE FUCK ON!

Oh Iraq.
You have what I want.

Oh.

So.

BADLY!

p.s. I have a new boyfriend.
Dec. 1st 2009.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

all I want for christmas

2009-11-28T01:53:52Z

http://www.ica.org.uk/Miranda%20July%20Pillowcase%20Set+21118.twl

I'm in love with miranda july!

time and miles and distance and time

2009-11-27T14:28:26Z

everything has been so perfect.
everything is a complete fucking mess.

olympia, washington.

I can picture a future with you.
[I can almost feel you...come closer...I can almost taste you...take me with you...what if you're finally it...you could change me...Please, don't hurt me...Romantic, I'm hopeless...We could become infinite...]

i know i know i know

2009-11-25T19:30:18Z

From hundreds of miles, yeah, you cry like a baby.
You plead with me, shout, scream, tell me I'm staying.
I know I know I know, I'm still your love.
Back from the last place that I wanted to fake,
You laugh with me, shout, scream, now tell me you're staying.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.

Box after box and you're still by my side.
The weather is changing and breaking my stride.
Oh well I know I know I know, it's just this day.
House after house, just like car after car,
You see club after club, and it all seems so far.
I know I know I know, what else are we here for?
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.

Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.

Last night I was writing about you,
I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you.
I know I know I know, you're still my love.
I wake up to the sound of you working,
In one room right over, you're stressing and loving me.
I know I know I know, be still my love.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.

Stick your hands inside of my pockets,
Keep them warm while I'm still here.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.
Stick your heart inside of my chest,
Keep it warm here while we rest.
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.

The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too.
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.

happy holidays!

2009-11-25T19:02:01Z